Journey of Love - Never Gives Up

Journey of Love – Never Gives Up

It was a surprise snow storm.  I lived in the mountains in Virginia and I had to get home from Roanoke.  Traffic on Interstate 81 stopped when I had almost reached the Dixie Caverns exit.  When I say stopped, I mean completely stopped.  In the left lane, I got out and asked the person in the pickup next to me if they could back up so I could get over to the exit.  He did and then followed me up the old highway, which was in bad shape but at least was not blocked. 

About halfway up Christiansburg Mountain, the wheels on my rear drive pickup began spinning.  The guy following me passed until his wheels started spinning too.  I kept moving forward so I did not let off the gas as I did not want stop and not be able to move again.  The other guy finally gave up and turned around.  He must not have realized he was only 100 yards from the top.  I persevered and made it over and got home.  I later found out that the freeway was stopped for five hours.

Often, relationships can feel like going up a mountain in the snow with rear wheel drive.  It can feel like we are making not progress, just spinning our wheels.  At times we may even feel out of control, like we are going to slide off the road and get hurt.  I am here to tell you that love does not give up.  It will not give up on that marriage that is founded in Him.  It will not give up on the friendship that is true.  It will not give up on family.

I should make it clear that I am not advising people to stay in physically abusive situations.  I am saying that healing is possible if both people in a relationship are willing to seek it.  People are far too willing to give up on marriages instead of trying to work things out.  Be willing to take the effort and fight for it. 

I will confess that I probably should have fought harder for my marriage when my ex-wife sought a divorce.  In hindsight, I should have fought harder for my marriage years before it ended.  Contend for your marriage now.  Don’t wait for it to get out of control!  Seek that love that never gives up.

For you singles (and all of us), you should know that love does not give up on friendship and family either.  If your friend offends you, let them know in love.  Unless your friend is leading you away from God, seek to repair that relationship.  Stay in touch with your family.  Don’t give up on them because they are different from you but continue to show them the Love of God as a family. 

Finally, know that the Love of God never gives up on you.  God is always willing to love you no matter what you have done or said.  You need only turn to Him and He will be right there!  If you do not understand this, talk to me.  Never give up on that relationship with Him.  He will never give up on you! 

Journey of Love - The Truth

Journey of Love – Rejoices in the Truth

Her boyfriend worked for a used car dealership in Salem, VA.  She had her eye on the little red sports car so he bent the rules and let her take it out for a drive.  She took it to the winding country roads just north of town.  When I first saw her, she was coming around a corner much too quickly and began to slide.  In a panic, she over-corrected and started fish-tailing narrowly missing the van in front of me, swerved towards me and then away just in time.  The scene in my rear view mirror seemed to happen in slow motion as one of the little red car’s wheel’s dug into the soft shoulder and the car slowly rolled over and came to rest on its roof.  By the time I got to the car, she was crawling out, mostly unharmed, but in a panic.  Her words, “Oh my God, what am I going to tell my boyfriend.”  I had to think, “why don’t you start with the truth?”

So often, nowadays, we fall back on the truth as a last resort.  We may even rationalize that we are protecting someone by lying.  More often, we think that we are protecting ourselves.  In reality, the opposite is true.  In today’s characteristic of love, love rejoices with the truth.  When we stray away from the truth, we betray love.

The first step in healing is getting honest with ourselves, with God, and with our loved ones.  When we hide our problems, we cannot work towards solving them.  When we bring the problems out into the open in appropriate ways, we start on a path where we can see them healed.

As you seek to bring out the truth in your life, I urge you to seek the Truth in Scripture.  Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” (John 14:6)  He is the ultimate Truth.  The Bible gives us a glimpse at this Truth.  It lets us know things like the fact that we were designed by God before the beginning of the world (Psalm 139).  We find out that God loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for us so we could be with Him (John 3:16) and that He did this even while we were sinners (Romans 5:8).  We also find out that we can be empowered, gifted, and made more than conquerors (1 Corinthians 12, Romans 8).

There is so much encouragement in the Bible to lead us on a path of wholeness.  Let’s seek this Truth and conquer the dishonesty in our lives!

Journey of Love – The Ultimate Love of St. Valentine

Journey of Love – The Ultimate Love of St. Valentine

I never really knew that much about Saint Valentine.  I knew that we celebrate love on his day but that was about it.  So, I did a little research.  Apparently, he was known for marrying Christian couples in the third century.  Perhaps that is why we celebrate love on his feast day.  I believe that his love went way beyond that.

Valentine was arrested and brought to Rome to face charges for subversion.  It seems that some were being married by him to avoid going into the military.  While he was jailed, some stories tell of him healing the jailer’s blind daughter in response to the jailer’s challenge.  This convinced the jailer so that he and his household converted to Christianity.

Valentine was then brought before the Emperor Claudius.  Claudius treated him with favor until Valentine tried to convert him.  He then threatened to kill Valentine unless he renounced Christ.  Valentine’s ultimate act of love was to refuse to renounce Christ.  He was badly beaten and still clung to the truth.  Finally, he gave his life out of love for Christ.

This Valentine’s Day, while we exchange gifts with our loved ones or even celebrate singleness, let’s ask ourselves if we have that kind of ultimate love.  Would we lay down our lives for those to whom we give those Valentine’s gifts?  Do we believe with such conviction that we would suffer beating and even death out of love for Christ?  In many parts of the world there are those who face the same threats that Valentine did.  Let’s remember and pray for them and pray that we would love with such complete abandon!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Journey of Love - Forget It!

Journey of Love – Forget It!

Nelson Mandela once said, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”  We tend to think that holding on to past hurts empowers us when, in fact, it imprisons us.

It is possible to say we forgive while still holding on to the memory of how we have been wronged.  It is in our nature to use those wrongs as ammunition in arguments.  When we do that we are arguing for a personal victory rather than to better our relationships.  Our goal in disagreements should be to better our relationships by seeking to understand each other, not to win our own way.  When we seek only to win, what we win is loneliness, bitterness, and alienation.

I Corinthians 13 says that love keeps no record of wrongs.  If we really want to be free to express love, we will leave those wrongs in the past and go forth with a clean slate.  Let’s let the past stay in the past.  Deal with your issues from the past but don’t let them cripple your future.  (If you are struggling with letting go of your past, a good resource is the book “Life’s Healing Choices” by John Baker.)  I challenge you to let go of those hurts that keep coming up and move forward with the goal of living a life free from the hurts of the past!

Journey of Love – Not Easily Angered

Journey of Love – Not Easily Angered

As a teenager, I mastered the proverbial art of walking on eggshells.  If I did not do a chore just right, or I was a little late, or I complained about something, I had to endure the wrath of an angry step-father.  It is not surprising that I chose to go to college as far away as possible and left as early as possible.  It was a great relief when I got out of that situation.

Today’s quality of love, that which is not easily angered, was lacking in my step-father.  For whatever reason, he was unable to control his anger and it blocked any possibility of a loving parent/child relationship between us. 

The problem of anger is not limited to step-fathers.  I remember being shocked many years ago by a member of a church small group that I attended confessing his anger problem to the group.  It threatened to destroy his marriage.  I have since come to find out that it is much more common than I would have ever thought. 

Please realize that if you have an anger problem, it is very common, but it is also very important that you deal with it.  One fit of anger can undo a month’s worth of loving behavior.  Seek help from counselors and friends.  If you do not know if you have an anger problem, ask your spouse, your older child, or close friends.  Do not let your anger destroy your love!

Journey of Love - Not Self Seeking

Journey of Love – Not Self Seeking

I have a friend whose daughter was severely injured at birth.  She has to do everything for her daughter.  She has raised her from birth and stood by her through every trial.  Her daughter can do very little to express her love, but my friend continues to love her through her actions even as her daughter is now a young adult.  She could have institutionalized her, but she wants the best, most personalized care for her so she continues to take care of her.  That is amazing love that is far from self-seeking!  (and if you are reading this, know how much I admire you for that love).

Today’s characteristic is love that does not seek its own.  Probably the most common example of that is the love of a parent.  I know that when my daughter was born I realized that there was nothing that I would not do for her to protect her and try to raise her right.  This is the same kind of love that God showed to us when He sent His only Son to die on the cross for us. 

How can I live out this kind of unselfish love?  First of all, I can put the needs of my (soon to be) wife and children before my own.  Second, I can help my friends without regard to how they could return the favor.  Third, I can help those around me who cannot help themselves, providing food for the hungry, donating to shelters, etc.  Finally, I can share the amazing love of God with those around me, even when I feel I am too shy to share.

What would your list of unselfish love in action look like?  I challenge you to write one today and put it into action.

Journey of Love - Behave

Journey of Love – Behaves

For me, that word “behave” conjures up visions of my mom, when I was a kid, threatening me with punishment if I did not do as she told.  What would that have to do with love?  The very first part of 1 Corinthians 13:5 tells us in modern translations that love is not rude or does not behave rudely.  That could be taken a number of ways so I looked up the meaning of the original word there and it literally means that love behaves itself sexually.  That is to say, love waits for marriage to consummate. 

Years ago, I heard a wedding sermon speak of sex outside of marriage being like a screen door on a submarine.  When you don’t have that commitment and you dive into such intimacy, you threaten to sink the relationship.  Marriage provides a water tight seal.

That is not a very popular idea today.  The reasoning on the subject ranges from “if it feels good do it,” to “we need to find out if we are compatible.”  You should know that sex is the deepest form of intimacy and when it is taken outside of the commitment of marriage, that intimacy is weakened.  In other words, in order to have the strongest marriage, such intimacy needs to be reserved until after the wedding.

For those of you who say that is impossible, I can say that, while it is not easy, it is quite possible.  Janet and I have been committed to purity from the beginning.  Because of that, we have set ourselves up to succeed in this area.  I have also gone into every dating experience of my single life with that same dedication.  I look forward to a more intimate marriage because of it.

For those of you singles, I strongly recommend a dedication to purity.  Go into every dating experience sharing that dedication.  If your date does not have that same desire, move on to someone else.  In the meantime, take advantage of the time to get closer to the Lord.

For you married people, first I would say, keep that intimacy within the marriage.  That is to say, steer away from porn or anything else that would seek to satisfy that intimacy outside of each other.  If you need to, seek counseling.  I can tell you from personal experience, do not wait until it is too late.  Trust me; counseling is much cheaper than divorce!

Now, when I admonish you to “behave yourselves” you know what I mean.  ;-)

Journey of Love - Not Proud

Journey of Love – Not Proud

He danced and spun for joy as the music played.  He took off his suit so he could dance more wildly.  All the while, his wife watched in disgust, thinking he was making a fool of himself.  That was the scene when King David was having the ark of the covenant of the Lord brought into Jerusalem.  David was so in love with the Lord that he celebrated with abandon when that which represented the Lord’s presence was brought close to him.  His wife, Michael, did not share that love of the Lord and could not understand how he could embarrass himself and her by showing such zeal.

When the Bible says that love is not proud, I picture the way people who are truly in love show it without restraint.  They are not afraid of embarrassment when it comes to showing their love.  I love seeing those videos of weddings where the groom dances and sings for his bride.  It shows that he is not afraid to put pride aside to express his love.

I also love seeing when people love the Lord so much that they are not afraid to talk about it.  There is a point at which pride can come into the act of speaking out for the Lord, though.  We were in San Francisco one day a couple years ago, waiting in line for a cable car, when a man with a megaphone started preaching.  He was not afraid to speak out for the Lord, but, he kept ranting that the people were all going to hell for their sins.  Instead of bringing the love of God to the people, he came across as saying that he was right and everyone else was wrong and going to suffer for it.  That, I believe, was pride rather than love speaking.

I want to express my love for my wife to be and for the Lord without being restricted by pride.  Let it be known right here and now that I am crazy about Janet and I am even crazier about the Lord (and nuts for our kiddos too).  Let no mask of pride get in the way of that love!  May you experience that love without pride as well. 

Journey of Love - Not Boastful

Journey of Love – Not Boastful

In high school, I remember science being fun.  I enjoyed preparing a science fair project, but I was far from confident that mine was anywhere near the best.  Somehow, I ran into the science fair judges when they were on their way in.  I joked that they need look no farther than my project.  I was quite pleasantly surprised that my project came in second place.  Later my science teacher admonished me, telling me that it would have made first place if I had not bragged about it.

Most of my life, I have been outwardly confident and inwardly insecure.  When I have bragged, it has been out of insecurity, trying to bolster myself up.  Today’s characteristic of love (still in 1 Corinthians 13:4), Love is not boastful, leaves no room for bragging.  Bragging puts ourselves above others when we should be putting others before ourselves.

So, for those of us who brag out of insecurity, what can we do to stop that?  I have tried to make it a goal of mine to build others confidence.  When I am feeling insecure, I try to channel those feelings into empathy for those around me who may lack confidence and try to give them encouraging words.  I admit that I do not always do this well and sometimes my encouraging words come out more like a boast for myself (like the first paragraph above).  But, I try.

Do you find yourself bragging from time to time?  Take that pride or that insecurity that causes you to brag and direct it towards helping others gain confidence.  Have you encouraged anyone today?  I hope to encourage you to encourage others today.  Be deliberate in your words that they may help someone who is struggling!  Do it today!  

No Envy

Journey of Love – No Envy

When I was a kid, there were often offers for special prizes that you could get by saving and sending in box tops.  We kids would make sure that mom would cut off the part of the box needed and when we had collected enough, we would send them off with great anticipation.  We would then wait anxiously for weeks for our prize to come in the mail.  Finally, the day would come and there would be a package for Kelloggs or General Mills and we would tear into it!  After all that waiting and anticipation, we would usually find the toy boring and be done playing with it in fifteen minutes.

Our earnest desire for that toy illustrates the word “envy” in today’s verse (1 Corinthians 13:4).  In the above illustration, the desire we had for that toy is almost humorous.  In adult life, unchecked envy can be very serious.  Check out the story of “the Window” here.  (It was too long to copy into this blog but it is a story that everyone should read at some point.)

Unchecked envy can easily lead to bitterness.  It can so cloud our minds that we would choose to do spiteful and even evil things to try to satisfy the desire it creates in us.  We can envy those in relationships to the point of entering inappropriate ones ourselves.  We can envy those who have more stuff than us to the point of getting into crushing debt.  We can envy those whose lives seem better than ours to the point of being bitter and hateful towards them.

So what is the antidote to envy?  I believe it is to simply be thankful for what you have.  It may be cliché but count your blessings!  Focus on the good things in your life.  Seek to share those good things with those around you.  In that was you can live out a true love that does not envy.

Kindness

Journey of Love – Kindness

When I first moved to Colorado, I had almost nothing.  I moved here at the beginning of November and when the Christmas season rolled around, I figured that I would make do with a few dollar store decorations.  One evening, I walked into the small group that I was just starting to attend to find that the other members each brought in a portion of their Christmas decorations to give to me.  I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude.  They added quite a bit of brightness to my Christmas season that year.

Many people encourage others to “practice random acts of kindness.”  I have always had a problem with that concept.  I want my acts of kindness to be deliberate and consistent.  I want to bring joy to others every day.  That is how I choose to live out today’s characteristic of love - “Love is Kind.”  

Kindness can come in the form of encouraging words, gifts, or even time.  When my sister’s husband passed away, I chose to live that kindness by going to visit her.  I say that not to toot my own horn but to let you know of the outpouring of kindness I witnessed when I was there.  She had visitor after visitor.  Nearly every one of them brought some sort of food or gift to help her through that tough time.  That little town of Galax, Virginia truly knows the meaning of kindness.

Here in the big city of Denver, Colorado, it is easy to forget kindness.  Our culture seems to value independence and self-reliance.  I urge you to break out of that mold and share kindness, not just with those you love, but with your neighbors and acquaintances.  Share a smile, an encouraging word, or a gift.  Let people know that they matter!  Encourage them to pass the kindness along.

Journey of Love - Patience Part 2

Journey of Love – Patience Part 2

Another way that love is patient is in dealing with one another.  While I will be talking about multiple aspects of the English word “love,” the word in 1 Corinthians 13 can also be translated caring.  It is the word that we get our word “charity” from.  It is a giving and caring type of love.  In that way, we are asked to be patient with one another, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2).  What does that look like?

In my experience, I can tell you what it doesn’t look like.  It does not look like yelling when there are disagreements.  It does not look like manipulation.  It does not look like finding another lover when walls of miscommunication have gone up.  It does not look like writing off a friendship when we are offended.  It does not look like hiding problems in codependency.  (I should make it clear that these are not necessarily examples from my past marriage and should not be taken as casting blame on anyone).

I believe what patience does look like is giving people room to grow at the pace that is right for them.  It means dealing with disagreements in a fair and loving manner.  It means seeking counsel when necessary to save or grow a relationship.  It means being faithful to your partner.  It also means dealing with issues instead of letting them pile up to the breaking point.

Take a patience inventory today.  Are you being fair to your spouse or in your other relationships?  Are you dealing with issues in love?  Are you committed to faithfulness?  Let’s show our love through patience starting today.

A Journey of Love - Patience - part 1

A Journey of Love – Patience part 1

For February, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I will be touching on the topic of love.  I will not claim to be an expert in this topic but I have a guide to perfect love in the Bible.  I will first be taking a journey through the description of love in the “love chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13.

I will start out the month with the concept that love is patient.  Three times in the great love poem that is the Song of Solomon it is written to not awaken love too early.  As my daughter grows up, I have been amazed at how early some of her classmates have gone boy crazy.  As early as first grade, there were kids saying they were in love.  Now that she is in eighth grade… ugh!  At least I can say that she has kept a level head herself! 

Most of us realize that we should not seek romantic love at too young of an age.  Do we realize that there are times when it is not good to “awaken love” as adults?  Most of us go through times when we are not ready for romantic love.  There are times when we need time to get our lives in order.  We may be in need of getting closer to the Lord before we get close to another person.  There may also be issues in our lives that need to be dealt with first. 

Eight years ago, I went through a separation and divorce.  I won’t go through any details here.  What I will say is that, after I came out of it, I believe that I was biblically released to seek a new wife.  That took a while.  I saw other people get remarried after two years and I wondered why I could not find someone that quickly.  I now look back and see that the time alone was very helpful for me.  I am also very blessed that I waited for the right person in Janet.  I did not compromise, nor are we compromising our morals as an engaged couple now.  I believe we will see the positive results of that for the rest of our lives together.

My challenge to you singles is to not be in a rush to find love.  Seek the Lord and His best for you.  Take advantage of the time alone to get closer to the Lord and to deal with anything that would get in the way of a good relationship.  I do not claim that I will be a perfect husband because I waited, but I am certain that I will be a better one.  While you wait patiently, seek to be a better spouse.

Married folks, stayed tuned for tomorrow’s blog.